What Do You Believe In?

I have been reading a few books about psychology, brain, power and human behavior such as Psycho-Cybernetics, You can Heal Your Life, Build a Better Brain and lately, Friend and Foe. I notice a common theme: you’ve got to believe! Believe that the future is bright. Believe that you can do this. Believe that you can overcome the short term set back and thrive despite all the obstacles. Believe that you are smart, strong and you will be successful.

But how? After meditating over this, I came to realize that you’ve got to believe in something. While faith is a big word, I’ve always envied the ones who have it, for example, my husband. Faith makes him grounded, and strong even when the bad times hit. I, sadly, because of my upbringing and the environment in which I grew up, can’t seem to be able develop a religious faith up till today. Religion is a complex topic and I don’t intend to get into here. I am, what popular dating sites call, spiritual but not religious.

But you’ve got to believe in something, no? Otherwise, what’s your north star? When things don’t go your way, when disaster hits, when people don’t endorse you, when everything or everything around you seems to be going the opposite direction, what do you turn to? what do you reply on? How do you stay sane, optimistic and keep on marching forward? And believe that there is a forward?

I would like to suggest a few things.

1. Believe in Your Self.

I suppose this is what they mean by self esteem, self confidence, self worth, or a combination thereof. But you’ve got to believe in yourself. There are numerous techniques to go about it. Think about past experiences of success and exercising power. Visualize how success would look like for you. Trust that you have it in you to achieve that whatever it is you want to achieve.

It’s easier said than done. But think positive is the key. No self doubt. No imagining the worst outcome. No quarrel in your own head about your own self worth. No self down talking and saying “you are not enough”. This is like a muscle, you’ve got to exercise it the right way, and exercise it often.

2. Believe in Fate.

What if this is not enough? What if sometimes we feel so powerless that we’ve lost total faith in ourselves? Where do we go now?

The Chinese have this interesting notion of the “sky”. I think it’s their way of thinking of “Fate”, “Destiny”, “God” or “Heaven”. In “The Book of Changes” (易经）there is a famous quote: “The Sky is strong, and the wise individual should alway self improve”. (天行健， 君子自强不息). They often talk about “Listen to the Sky, let the fate play itself out” (听天由命). They think “People can strategize, but the Sky decides” (谋事在人， 成事在天). When you do something bad, they think the Sky will strike you (天打五雷轰). When you try hard, they think the Sky will reward you (天道酬勤).

There are some simple wisdoms behind this. I think in lay man and western terms this is to say that you try your best and trust fate will take care of the rest. It alleviates the pressure of controlling everything, and you come to the realization that certain things are out of your hands. Control what you can, and trust that fate will play it out one way or the other, but know that you can live with either, because that’s fate, isn’t? Another translation of “fate” in Chinese is “命”， and they say if you have it in your fate or destiny, you will have it, but if not, you can’t fight for it (命里有时终须有， 命里无时莫强求). This attitude, although sometimes may seem negative, takes off the pressure down a notch, and let you live a bit at ease with the “arrangement” out there.

3. Believe in the Future.

This is the notion of “This too shall pass”. Maybe also the notion of “Abundance”. Trust that all setbacks are temporary, and that the future is bright. Trust that there is enough for everyone, and the reason that you don’t have it yet is because it’s not time yet.

Hope is a big word. Again I don’t intend for this piece to be a political or religious piece at all, but here is one quote I do like a lot from Obama:

“Hope is not blind optimism. It’s not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It’s not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it. Hope is the belief that destiny will not be written for us, but by us, by the men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is, who have the courage to remake the world as it should be.”

4. Believe in Love.

Love conquers all. This is true of the love between men and women, parents and children, but it goes far beyond that. When you have love and kindness in your heart, the world widens and all of a sudden your own miseries seem trivial compared to the bigger causes out there. Speak with love and act with love, and you will earn love in return.

5. Believe in a little bit of all the main philosophies/religions.

This is probably the most controversial one in this entire piece, but I do believe in this one. Of course, this goes against the rules of many religion in principal, but since I am not religious, I am allowed to vouch for it.

Take the notion of Karma, for instance. It’s of course a more salient notion from Hinduism or Buddhism. Do I believe that it’s scientific so that it never fails? Not really. Do I think it holds certain truth? Absolutely. I think it encourages kindness and good deeds. I also think it gives you that psychological edge when circumstances warrant it.

Reincarnation is another interesting one. Do I firmly believe that I was some one, or even something else in my past or future lives? Not really. But are there times when it sheds lights on what we are passionate about, what we want for our soul, who we fall in love with and how we travel through this journey called life? I personally do think it sometimes makes sense.

Again I am not here to preach any belief or, much further away, any religion, I do think humans develop all these ideals over thousands of years, so there may be some truth to many of them. Whatever you choose to believe in, if it keeps you grounded, sane, and happy, why not? What matters is that you’ve got to believe, in something.