Some Advice I Want to Give to My College-Going Daughter

My 17 year old daughter, Tina, is about to start college at UC Irvine. Well, start, as in doing remote learning from her dorm first. Very strange times indeed. But still, the excitement is there and she told me that she has been “stressed out” about what’s to come.

What wonderful times! I wish I were in her shoes, and could do it all over again. I remember the excitement, the hope, the uncertainty. The world is your oyster.

I wanted to share some advice for her.

1. Make lots of mistakes. That’s really the only way to learn. The ones of us who want to be perfectionists often worry about the possibility and prospect of making mistakes. But you will. And you will make lots of it. Only through sweat, tear and blood you will learn to tell the good from the bad, and know what you are good at and what you are not. Take mistakes as a gift, not as a punishment.
2. Stay true to your passion. I say this lightly, but how many of us got confused over the years by necessity, money, fame and the like? When I decided to go to law school, I wasn’t sure whether I would love being a lawyer. I went for it because it seemed lucrative, respectable and reasonably interesting. I was wrong. I never loved practicing law. At same point one can no longer lie to oneself, and whether you are passionate about something or not starts to weigh. Don’t go there. Only do what you are passionate about.
3. Life is a marathon. My daughter is stressed about picking the right classes and she’s trying to “finish early”. But I am telling her, there is no particular rush. Life is a marathon. If you sprint too hard in this round, it may affect how you are feeling in the next one. Slow and steady, the race has started and it will carry one for the next however many years. Take it easy baby girl.
4. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. My daughter is worried about picking out the perfect schedule, or even decorating her form perfectly. however, in business school, we learn about the 80/20 rule. Many of us don’t practice what we learn or know. I sometimes find myself trying to pick out every single missing comma in a paragraph (and it may matter, given the circumstances). But in most occasions in this life, good is good enough. From good to perfect, the amount of effort you pour in is only providing diminished return.
5. Have the goal in mind, but don’t forget to smell the roses along the way. It seems that my daughter is a already a very goal driven young adult (I wonder where she got that from! : )). But I am telling her, life is a journey, don’t be so busy and stressed about the goal so that you forget to watch the scenery along the way. At the end of day, it may be that only these memories truly matter. The rest, ambition, money and goals can all turn out to be secondary.
6. Don’t regret. Try different things, make lots of mistakes, and if it turns out to be wrong, never spend time sweating the could have and should haves. You made a decision given the information at the time. That was the best you could do. You did it. Now you are wrong, so just move on. Don’t sweat the past bad luck, as long as you learn from your mistakes. The future is yours, and the best is yet to come.